Not So Innocent
by Paris Marriott
Summary: The gang is in high school and the world around them is changing. Especially for TJ and Spinelli...what is happening between them and will they ever be able to recover from it? Chapter 2 edited
1. A New, Scary Life

A/N: New story because the idea popped into my mind. Rated for angst, the mention of drinking and drug use, sexual innuendo and other such stuff. Enjoy!

SPINELLI'S POV:

I sat on the windowsill of my bedroom, staring at the dark moonless sky, my mind a million miles from where it should be……..on my math homework. Instead, my mind is drifting to him, how much he changed in the past few months, how different things were between us, between all of us in our little Recess gang. We were all still friends, of course, but not the kind of friends we had been in fourth grade. No, time had changed us, and now we were all tossed into the cold, unfriendly world of tenth grade.

We all were different—--Vince had his jock thing, Gretchen her science thing, Gus was in the NJROTC program and Mikey was in drama, hoping for a chance to win a guest spot on _Desperate Housewives_ so he could make out with Eva Longoria. As for me, I was still tough on the outside, still got into fights occasionally, but inside, I was resenting my mother for trying to be the perfect person she tried to shape me into. She wanted me to be like her in every way, shape and form, but I just could not do that. I had to be my own person. My father was no help, he was hardly around because of his secret service job. Yes, Papa Spinelli was really a Secret Service member and now with the world situation being how it was, he was working harder than ever, leaving me with just my mom and my five year old sister Miranda. My two older brothers Joey and Vitto were out on their own with their wives, jobs and children. I dealt with these resentful feelings towards my mother by writing, short stories, poetry, even a TV series pilot, all hoping that one day things would go back to normal. . I also escaped by smoking cigarettes when things got really tough, something that did not thrill my parents, but I did it anyway since it seemed to be the only thing to calm me down and rebel even more against my mother's insistence that I become just like her. My writing was my escape from the real world, but nobody knew this side of me. They only saw what I was like on the outside, the depressed girl who dressed in black and was obsessed with Ronald Reagan. Yes, Reagan, he is my hero and always will be. But I digress.

But things would not be normal, not until he decided to change back to the way he was. Him being my closest friend, TJ Detweiler. We had been best friends for almost twelve years, but now, we were drifting apart, losing the connection we had once shared. Losing that was something that scared me more than the time I ended up accidently walking in on Miss Finster making out with Hank the Janitor in fifth grade. I shuddered at the memory. I swear I will forever be scarred by that. But I digress again.

TJ had become friends with Gordie and Butch over the summer, when they were all assigned to community service for some mischief or another. They began hanging out more often, before and after their community service sessions and soon TJ entered the world of partying, thanks to an invite to a rave that Butch got from King Freddie.

It began innocently, just chilling and dancing, then it led to more serious things, things that scared someone like me, who may appear tough, but in reality was a girl scared of high school life and things like this, He began drinking and then occasionally smoking pot, something he swore he would never do, not after the death of Nikki Little, our old babysitter in third grade. Nikki had been driving home from work one night and was hit head on by a drunk and high driver, killing her instantly. After her death, he swore he would never do such things, but yet he was, coming home drunk and high, picking fights with me, and worst of all, he was becoming a stranger, no longer the little chubby boy who I used to make mud pies with me, but someone who was dead set on hurting himself for whatever reason, and the thing that frightened me was that I didn't know what that reason was. He seemed to have a good life, a loving family, good friends, and even in the honor society. So what exactly was causing him to act out like this? I only hoped I could find out, so we could get past this and re-enter our once innocent lives that consisted of prank phone calls, treehouse meetings and basically being the Townsedge, Arkansas answer to Dawson and Joey. But in my heart, I knew that with all the changes, nothing would ever be the same again.

"Oh, Teej," I whisper to myself as I open a window and light my cigarette. "I just want us to be normal again, I can't lose my best friend, I just can't"

As I sat in my room, puffing on my cigarette, not caring that my mom would probably kill me for infesting her perfect home with the smell of smoke, I stared out into the treehouse in TJ's backyard, wondering where he was and praying that he wouldn't ruin his life on his path of destruction.

_come a little closer if you can_

_just forget your fears _

_come to me _

_cause where I want to be _

_is closer to you _

_put your little hand into my hand _

_throw off this disguise _

_come to me _

_cause I just want to be _

_closer to you _

_I'm oh so tired of this awful fight _

_cant get by without you _

_I don't know how I'm gonna be alright _

_But I'm all messed up _

_Ya I'm all messed up _

_ya I am _

_dont you wish we were younger _

_these things go to fast _

_come to me _

_because I used to be _

_closer to you _

_Oo come to me cause _

_I need to be _

_closer to you_

A/N: Intense, isn't it? Well be prepared for more into the lives of TJ and Spinelli as they face more trials and tribulations. The song is one I think fits pretty well, its called "Closer to You" and sung by the Counting Crows. Enjoy this and send me plenty of soul hugs to motivate me to finish this! Happy holidays!


	2. Confusion and Tears

A/n: New chapter folks! Enjoy! Edited and for the record TJ and Spin are dating.

Yugioh princess of darkness: I'm honestly not too sure yet….keep reading to find out

Lilvickiryan: thanks, I know, scary isn't it? Keep reading!

Dixie Darlin: it is scary….I hope you like the rest!

Xxxbluefireprincessxxx: she's not really dark, she's just, I guess her own worst enemy in a sense, as you will see---enjoy the rest

Damson rhee: Thanks, I plan on it, but I got this inspiration---but I hope you stay tuned!

Unsocial beautifly: there's more, fear not! Enjoy!

Throughout the next week, Spinelli waited for TJ to come to his senses and be the boy he once was. But unfortunately for her, things between them seemed to be getting worse. However, nobody seemed to understand how she was feeling, and because of that, she felt she had done something to push TJ away.

"We all change, Spin, it's a fact of life," Gretchen had told her. "You changed, I changed, so its inevitable TJ was going to as well. And it isn't like its not normal for teenagers to experiment. He's acting like a normal teenager. Teenagers drink and try drugs but its not like he's addicted. Nobody else is."

Spinelli tried to argue this point, but it was no use. After all, a lot of what Gretchen was saying was true. They all did change, and while they met up on weekends occasionally and still talked, they weren't the same tight gang they were in fourth grade. They all had their own lives, and with those new lives came new friends and changes nobody could control. And with those changes came behaviors that each friend may not like, but was forced to accept, thanks to society and the crap they pushed on teenagers.

But Spinelli didn't want to accept TJ changing. She didn't want to lose her relationship with him. She just didn't want to have her life change any more than it already had, since in her mind, a lot of the changes were her own fault. It was her fault people made fun of her for being different, her fault she drifted apart from people---after all, why else would she and her friend not be the same as they were back in the day when their only worry was if kissing was going to be gross? Having TJ in her life was the only good thing for her, and him changing and going down such a destructive path was killing her inside.

Spinelli was so caught up in her thoughts she barely noticed TJ sneak in through the window the way he always did at night when something was on his mind. Her mom was never really thrilled about this, but tonight Flo Spinelli was out so it didn't really matter if TJ was over.

"Hey Teej," Spinelli said, coming over to kiss him.

"Hey baby," TJ responded, eagerly kissing her back. He tightened his grip around her waist, slowly inching his hands up her shirt, fingering the back of her bra.

Spinelli pulled away nervously. Although her and TJ had been together for awhile and had gone pretty far, she wasn't really ready to lose her virginity to him just yet.

"What's the matter, baby, you don't want me?" TJ slurred. Spinelli stared at him, for the first time noticing how stoned and out of it he looked.

"Teej, what's wrong with you? We discussed this, we decided to wait," Spinelli told him, backing away.

"But I don't want to wait anymore. I want you, and I want to have sex with you," TJ argued, kissing her again. Spinelli backed away again, slowly pushing him off of her.

"TJ, you're drunk," Spinelli told him gently. "We should wait to make sure this is what we really want."

"We've been dating since last year, we both want it, unless of course, you're some kind of prude."

Spinelli stared at him, shocked. "I'm not, I just want to wait, you're drunk and high. This isn't the right time."

TJ glared at her, and before Spinelli could do anything, TJ had smacked her across the face, sending her flying across the room. Spinelli tried to get up but was shaking to hard to move.

"Get out," she threatened, her voice filled with tears and fear. Never had TJ ever gotten this angry with her, or anyone for that matter. Seeing him like this scared her to death, and she needed to be away from him.

"Stupid bitch," TJ growled. "You're garbage and a slut. Nobody is a tease to me and gets away with it. You're lucky I didn't hit you harder." And with that, he was gone, before Spinelli could do or say anything to defend herself.

Spinelli finally got up and collapsed onto her bed in tears. Why was TJ acting like this? She knew they were all changing, but this was something she never expected from someone as sweet and innocent as TJ once was. Spinelli pulled out a cigarette and lit it, inhaling deeply and letting the chemicals inside her cigarette enter her body. She knew she was killing herself, but at that point she didn't really care. She was losing everything she held so close to her, and her boyfriend was becoming a dangerous abusive person. Spinelli closed her eyes, trying to will herself not to cry again. Crying was for the weak, and she already hated herself for crying before. She reached over to her nightstand and furiously began scribbling in her notebook. Maybe writing would help her escape all the bad that was taking over her life….she needed to get away, she needed to be somewhere where things didn't change, she just needed to be 9 again…..

_I want to heal_

_I want to feel_

_What I thought was never real_

_I want to let go of the pain I've held so long_

_Erase all the pain 'til it's gone_

_It's gone_

_I want to heal_

_I want to feel_

_Like I'm close to something real_

_I want to find something I've wanted all along_

_Somewhere I Belong_

_And I've got nothing to say_

_I can't believe I didn't fall right down on my face_

_I was confused_

_Looking everywhere/Only to fin that it's_

_Not the way I had imagined it all in my mind_

_So what am I_

_What do I have but negativity_

_'Cause I can't justify the_

_Way everyone is looking at me_

_Nothing to lose_

_Nothing to gain/Hollow and alone_

_And the fault is my own_

_The fault is my own_

A/N: I changed it, only because I'm taking this in a new direction than I planned on…..stay tuned and send me lots of soul hugs!!

P.S. the song is Somewhere I Belong by Linkin Park…the music is added to get a feel of the chapter mood.


	3. Forgiveness, Change and Lies

A/N: I'm back, sorry for the delay. Normally I write personalized review notes, but since I'm pressed for time, I am unable to for this chapter. But thank you to those who reviewed this one!

The next morning, Spinelli woke up with a large bruise above her right eye where TJ had hit her. She closed her eyes briefly, trying to block out memories of what had happened. TJ being drunk, her saying no to his advances, him hitting her and calling her all of those horrible names. She just could not understand what had happened to him, why he suddenly was acting so violently towards her. She gently dabbed some cover up on her face to conceal the bruise, and made sure her eye makeup blended in with it as well. The last thing she needed was questions from people about what had happened to her face. Not that anyone would even pay attention, since it was a known fact that she sometimes got into fights and was an avid kickboxer, both of which sometimes left bumps and bruises on her body. People would just assume that she was injured by that.

But why did she want to cover it up so badly? She'd never cared about bruises before. Perhaps it was her way of covering up the flaws in her seemingly perfect relationship with TJ. Or maybe she just didn't want to admit she was a victim of abuse. Whatever the case, she had no time to think about it now, since her mom was yelling from downstairs that her breakfast was ready.

"Hi Pookie! I made you chocolate chip and banana pancakes, your favorite!" Flo said giving her daughter a hug. Spinelli had to smile and hug back. Despite how annoying and overbearing her mother could sometimes be, she always made sure her daughters were well taken care of and always tried to do special things for them.

"Thanks mom, it looks great," She walked over to sit down, giving Miranda a hug before she plopped down next to her. "What's up, Miranda?" Spinelli asked, cutting her pancakes and beginning to eat.

"The sky!" Miranda asked giggling as she sipped her milk, leaving a milk mustache on her face.

"Silly girl," Spinelli laughed. It was amazing how well the two got along, despite their age and personality differences. Miranda was the exact opposite of Spinelli, from inheriting Flo's looks to being as calm as Spinelli was tough. Spinelli had been so deep in thought about her relationship with her sister that she barely heard Miranda asking her the question she had been dreading since the night before.

"Ash-e, whats that on your face?" she asked, leaning forward to touch the bruise. Spinelli froze. As much as she didn't want to answer, she knew she had to think quickly before anyone got suspicious.

"I, um, got hit in kickboxing," Spinelli said quickly, hoping her mother wouldn't question her about it.

Flo looked over at her daughter with concern. "Pookie? Are you ok? Have you been fighting again?" she asked.

"Um, no Mom, I just got hit during kickboxing practice yesterday," Spinelli quickly lied, not wanting her mother to know what really happened last night.

"Just be careful honey, I don't want you to hurt yourself." Flo dried the last dish and turned to face her daughter. "I have to drop Miranda off at kindergarten, so I'll give you a ride too."

During the entire car ride, Spinelli faked sleep so her mother wouldn't press the issue of the bruise. The last thing Spinelli needed was her mom interfering with her life.

"I'll pick you up after school today Pookie," Flo said loudly, startling Spinelli. She looked up and began gathering her things, wanting to escape any further talk as fast as possible.

"Sure, thanks mom," Spinelli waved and got out of the car. She paused for a moment and reached over to give her mom a hug, suddenly feeling the need for the security her mom gave her and for once not caring who saw or what anyone said. Flo was a bit surprised, but hugged her daughter back and drove off.

As Spinelli walked over to her locker, she saw TJ waiting for her, carrying a small bouquet of tulips, her favorite flower.

"I'm sorry, Spin," TJ said hugging his girlfriend and handing her the flowers. "I don't know what came over me, I guess I just drank too much and acted without thinking, you know I still love you right?" TJ looked at Spinelli with such a wounded puppy dog look that Spinelli couldn't help but smile.

"Teej, I'm sorry too, I shouldn't have led you on, I was wrong." Spinelli put his arms around him and kissed him, thinking that maybe he was right and it was time to take that next step. As she broke away, she whispered in his ear, "I'm ready, come on over tonight, Mom and Miranda will be at Grandma's. we'll have the entire house to ourselves." She traced her finger down his body, letting it linger ever so slightly towards the lower region.

"Spinelli, you have just made me the happiest guy ever," TJ smiled at her and kissed her again. However as they kissed, oblivious to the people surrounding them in the hall, something in Spinelli's body felt off, almost as if she should be scared of something. She just shook it off, chalking it off as nervousness about what was going to be a very special night for the both of them.

But why did she have a sinking feeling things were going to end up spinning out of_ control?_

_She loved him like he was_

_The last man on Earth_

_Gave him everything she ever had_

_He'd break her spirit down_

_Then come lovin' up on her._

_Give a little, then take it back_

_She'd tell him about her dreams_

_He'd just shoot 'em down_

_Lord he loved to make her cry_

_"You're crazy for believin'_

_You'd ever leave the ground"_

_He said "only angels know how to fly"_

_And with a broken wing_

_She still sings_

_She keeps an eye on the sky_

_With a broken wing_

_She carries her dreams_

_Man you oughta see her fly_

A/N: Not as good as I wanted, but I'm tired, busy and got tons going on. So enjoy the chapter, send soul hugs and look out for more! I promise you this all has some significance in the end. And the song it Broken Wing by Martina McBride! Enjoy! 


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